Get into politics.

Replace “expert knowledge” with “knowledge about how to manipulate people to vote for you”

Take bribes. Listens to whats your puppet-masters tell you to vote.

Ez money.

/s

Vsauce intensifies

Me: ⸦(ఠ︹ఠ)⸧︻╦╤─ - - -

You: ¯(x︹x)/¯ (dead)

Yep, I’ll use it to combat climate change however I can. Propaganda, lobbying (aka: legal bribery), funding green energy, and use profits from said green energy to continue funding my anti big oil propaganda.

Hijack the platforms of a major political party, purge fossil fuel supporters from the party. Try to get a progressive president elected, use my influence to get them to use executive orders to suspend any pipeline projects, any pro-oil projects, etc.

Try to get fossil fuel vehicles banned ASAP. Like stoping any further productions of fossil fuel vehicles immediately, ban all sales of new vehicles in like 3 years (or less if possible). Begin carbon recapture projects.

etc… etc…

And get a lot of security. I’m sure big oil will try to assassinate me for this.

You are too smart and realize how fucked up the world is and become severely depressed.

Monkey Paw: Cancer cells also heal

你好

你是个笨蛋

操你妈，闭嘴

(totally not profanity 😉)

My mom tried to watch Chinese drama shows on public transport. I told her to stop it before some pissed off hillbilly use violence (for context: at the time, there were some news reports of people getting shot for blasting loud music from their car)

A COP AND LANDLORD?

🤨

Bruh, that’s terrifying. Imagine how much surveilance they put in the house, knowing the cops be weird af and want to spy on people all the time.

Maybe.

But schools also don’t let kids socialize except maybe during lunchtime. So smartphones and social media definitely doesn’t help. Its not really just “social media” to blame. I mean, with stuff like video games, why even hangout with classmates outside of school for fun, when you can just play videogames instead?

If you are outside, and aren’t with someone, and also aren’t on your phone, you just look “out of place” so what you see is people are constantly on their phone when they are out and about and by themselves, because otherwise it make them look “weird”, ya know what I mean. If the social expectation is to just be on your phone, then its really weird to talk to strangers when they are on their phone.

So this is why we live in a society where people don’t talk to each other anymore.

Being a CEO.

Elon Musk disproves that idea.

Europe is moving closer to what US once was, and the US is moving closer to Russia. How ironic

ProtonVPN has a free tier FYI.

And its not “free” as in a data-harvesting honeypot, rather that they make enough money from paid users that they can afford giving access to a few servers for a free tier.

The principal wouldn’t even talk to you, its most likely some dean, or other staff.

Fake.

A real scenario would involve the victim getting arrested.

Source: I defended myself against a bully and got a mandatory visit to a police station for a few hours.

Fuck the Police (and the school administrators) ACAB

Car. Its always the cars. Parents have a new car and OMG WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE HAVE THE SAME CAR?

(Are people spying on us? Are they trying to imitate/mock us? 👀)

When you put tap water in a bottle and put it in the freezer, so you’d have a cold bottle of water for an entire summer day, the water from the tap tastes “saltier” for some reason, while bottled “spring” water doesn’t. The “saltier” taste is kinda unpleasant 🤷‍♂️

Also my city has some chemical spill into the river where the city gets the water supply from, they gave out a emergency alert very late, and the city wasn’t really transparent about that whole ordeal, some people in my city are already doubting the safety of the tap water, reminds me of Flint, Michigan, so I kinda just don’t like the tap water 😖

Tax return filings in the US. There are free options provided by the paid companies… So that they can prevent real changes.

https://directfile.irs.gov/ (Or Google “IRS Direct File” if you don’t trust links)

Directs File goes directly to IRS, without going through a third party company.

If your state doesn’t have direct file, then you’ll have to find a “IRS Partner” that gives a free option:

https://apps.irs.gov/app/freeFile/browse-all-offers/ (Google “IRS Free File Trusted Partners”)

Remember: Government sites always ends in .gov

Tell them you love Xi Jing Ping and Joseph Stalin, and they might unban you.

/s Just take it as a badge of honor

I don’t care about tik tok, I hate it. But its concerning how the government could just bypass the first amendment. They could ban Lemmy Instances next.